Piratey Dragon
by Rosie2009
Summary: After Evie deems that Mal needs a destressing shopping trip, Mal asks Uma and Harry to come and watch Mallory. Unimaginable pirate hijinks ensue shortly thereafter. Huma and Mallory fluffy niece feels. It's a companion piece to "Auntie's Little Girl" and "The Bluebirds."


Uma and Harry started into the hall of Mal's upper part of the castle, a comfortable silence surrounding them as Uma enjoyed the feel of his fingers laced with her own.

"Ye happy, Cap'n?" he asked her with a grin and she quickly noticed the stupid smile on her own face. Uma quickly forced it away and bumped his shoulder with her own gently.

"For some reason beyond all understanding," Uma replied. However, she very much knew the reason. There were actually two. One came in the form of the pirate walking along beside her and the other came in the little girl that they were about to babysit.

They approached the door and Uma knocked expectantly. There was some yelling and the heavy padding of footsteps before a very frazzled Mal opened the door to face them.

"Hi," Mal breathlessly greeted and Uma raised her eyebrows as she moved her gaze behind Mal, watching the tall bluenette in hot pursuit of the smaller one.

"Dang, you do need a babysitter," Uma commented, looking at Mal with a mischievous grin. Mal rolled her eyes and stepped aside so Uma and Harry could come in.

"I'm sorry I'm leaving you with her while she's so hyper," Mal apologized, breathing heavily and swallowing hard as she regained her breath.

"Aw, it isn't a big deal!" Harry told her emphatically. "We like 'em with a bit o' spice!"

"You sure you ain't thinking of fish tacos?" Uma jokingly asked him as she watched Mal with hidden pity. She pursed her lips in thought, hearing Mallory and Evie growing closer in their running through the house.

"So where is my little Starfish?!" Uma called out just as Mallory was even with them. She froze and Evie nearly ran her over as she fought to stop. Mallory got a really big grin on her face and she ran over to her aunt and uncle.

"Auntie Uma! Uncle Harry!" Mallory cried, and Harry bent down, scooping up the girl.

"Ahoy, there, me Wee Dragon! How are ye today?" Harry questioned. Mallory shyly nodded before hugging his neck tightly. Uma raised an eyebrow, knowing Mallory had a secretly not so secret crush on Harry. Uma found it cute, and she knew it was a phase that would pass.

However, after a moment of receiving absolutely no attention whatsoever from the little imp, Uma cleared her throat with an unimpressed expression, tapping Mallory's shoulder. The tiny bluenette turned to face Uma and her face lit up in a grin as she reached out for her.

Uma got a huge smile on her face as well, and she took the girl from Harry, pressing her forehead against that of the little one.

"Hey, Starfish," Uma greeted, rubbing her nose against Mallory's and the girl giggled.

"I'm glad you guys finally got here," Evie said, stumbling over to the four of them and leaning against the counter with a sigh of complete relief.

"Don't worry. We can take it from here," Uma assured her, confidence in her tone. Evie and Mal finally caught their breath and started to leave.

Mal looked Mallory in the eye from her current vantage point perched in Uma's grasp and Mal smiled sweetly at her.

"You be a good girl for Auntie Uma and Uncle Harry, okay?" Mal checked. Mallory nodded in that way too innocent to be true sort of manner and Mal kissed her cheek before heading out the door. "Love you, sweetie."

"Love you, Angel-Baby!" Evie molly-coddled, kissing the little girl's nose, and followed Mal.

Uma shut it carefully behind them and Mallory immediately started fighting Uma to get down.

"Woah, woah, where are you going in such a hurry?" Uma questioned with a laugh.

"I want to run!" Mallory exclaimed. Harry chuckled at her and twirled a lock of blue hair around his finger.

"Dear lass, I have a much better idea," Harry told her, and both girls looked at him. However, Uma's expression had infinitely more skepticism that that of Mallory's.

"What is it, Uncle Harry?" Mallory asked him, an adorably curious look on her face.

"Well, I was thinkin' we could teach ye the ways of bein' a pirate," Harry announced proudly, and Uma's skepticism melted away in favor of nodding her head in agreeance with the idea.

Mallory clapped her hands in excitement, the imp completely thrilled with getting to try out being a pirate.

"What do we do first?!" Mallory cried in her thrilled state and Uma thought for a moment.

"Well, you can be the captain," Uma told her and Mallory gained a huge grin at her new title.

"And as for what we're going to do, every great captain starts her adventures with a sea shanty," Uma instructed proudly, her chest puffed out with her self-assuredness as she placed Mallory on the ground.

"What's a sea shanty?" Mallory innocently questioned.

"Wee Dragon! A sea shanty is the happy song of a pirate!" Harry explained as he started into one of Uma's personal favorites.

"I thought I heard the old man say, 'Leave her, Johnny, leave her!'" Harry heartily sang out, and Uma could practically feel the remembered joy of being on her ship rising in her chest.

"Who's Johnny and why is he leaving her? And who's her?" Mallory suddenly interrupted with a worried look on her face. Harry stopped in his shanty, scratching the back of his neck in confusion, and Uma's high in the midst of her nostalgia came crashing down as the pirate shanty came to a halt.

"I really don't know who Johnny is," Harry answered, furrowing his brow and considering the question presented by his little niece.

"Well, don't worry about that, then," Uma told them both, waving away the matter entirely as she stepped in front of them. "What we can do is go where every good pirate goes!"

Uma grinned at the two of them and pointed to the beach ball sitting in the floor nearby.

…

"So, the objective is to guard the treasure and, if it's taken, get it back. In this case, your treasure's the beach ball," Uma instructed as Harry and herself waded into opposite sides of the pool behind Ben's castle.

"These are your swords," Uma held up a pool noodle to exemplify her point, and Mallory nodded. Uma grinned widely at her, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

Quite truthfully, Uma was very excited to start the game. It was one of her favorites. It was also because she loved an opportunity to best Harry Hook at his own game. And of course, her favorite little girl was going to be on her team, too, so that boosted her enthusiasm.

"Now that we've covered that, whose team do you want to be on?" Uma asked her, completely certain of Mallory's choice.

"I wanna be on Uncle Harry's team!" Mallory suddenly cried, and Uma's eyes went wide in surprise. Uma never expected that the girl would pick Harry over her for a pirate lesson.

"Why Uncle Harry's team?" Uma couldn't help but pitifully question and Mallory pointed at Harry's hook on his left hand.

"Uncle Harry has a hook like a real pirate," Mallory explained innocently, and Harry grinned victoriously at Uma.

"Wee Dragon, I do believe yer right," Harry agreed. Uma rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. You better watch out, then, Hooky and Hook Junior, I'm gonna cream your sorry behinds!" Uma cracked her knuckles before getting in a fight stance.

"Aren't ye goin' to get a sword?" Harry questioned, gesturing at a pool noodle. Uma shrugged, make use of the tool.

"I'm so good I don't need a sword." Harry eyed her skeptically and Uma smirked. "You're talking to the girl that can turn into an octopus, y'know."

"Okay, then. Prepare for death!" Harry shouted with a wicked laugh, and Mallory tapped his arm carefully. He paused mid-laugh, leaning down to hear what Mallory had to say.

"We aren't really going to kill Auntie Uma, are we?" Mallory asked him with an adorably concerned expression. Harry smiled at her, his eyes softening as he looked at the girl.

"Nay, 'course not. We're just pretendin'," Harry assured her before placing his hook on the concrete nearby the pool and scooping Mallory up onto his shoulders. Once she had a firm hold on his head with her hands, he grabbed the hook and put it back in his firm grasp.

"Ye ready to fight 'er?" Harry checked with Mallory, his temporary captain and Mallory nodded eagerly, curling her finger in a hook shape as she pointed at Uma.

"You're going down, matey!" Mallory yelled before Harry lunged in with a jab at Uma's ribs. She quickly and easily evaded it since the pool noodle was so much slower than a real sword.

Harry charged with yet another stab and Uma dodged one again.

This went on for several more minutes before Harry finally allowed himself to get a little more frustrated as he wild-fired.

"Argh! Swab the deck with 'er!" Harry called out, trying to hit Uma with a pool noodle while Mallory was perched on his bare shoulders.

But the dark-skinned pirate was too fast, and she dipped under the water quickly, resurfacing as she grabbed the ball that the other two were so diligently guarding.

"She's got yer booty!" Harry cried out, pointing at the ball with a hand and Mallory immediately turned around and looked down at her rear.

"My booty's still here, Uncle Harry!" Mallory proudly announced, and Harry chuckled a bit in mild embarrassment.

"Nay, lass, yer treasure! The scurvy woman's got yer treasure!" Harry clarified and Mallory looked at Uma with her eyes glowing dangerously green.

Uma's eyes went wide, and before she could try to reason with Mallory, the young girl had brought the ball to life and smacked Uma in the chest so she fell backwards into the water. Mallory called it back so that it was behind Harry and her.

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise, watching carefully for Uma's resurfacing. She soon did, sputtering and wheezing in the wake of her sudden dunking.

Harry couldn't help but laugh as she practically coughed up a lung.

"Dang, Starfish, you done did that, didn't you?" Uma asked her in the midst of hacking. Harry offered her a smirk, handing the pool noodle up to Mallory. The little imp pointed the noodle at Uma with a big grin.

"Remember what to say?" Harry whispered to her and Mallory nodded.

"Do you pick your nose and eat it?" Mallory asked, and Harry rolled his eyes, reaching up and tickling her sides. She laughed helplessly.

"Seriously now, lass!" he exclaimed, looking up at her from her perch on his shoulders.

"Grandpapa told me to ask her that!" Mallory told him with a grin. Uma raised an eyebrow, suspecting as much as she went through a few final coughs. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she sighed, remembering what he had instructed her to say.

"Do you admit defeat?!" Mallory questioned. Uma stared at her and with a begrudging groan, she raised her hands up in defeat.

"Fine. I admit defeat," Uma shook her head, and Mallory and Harry cheered loudly.

"Okay, then. You're one step closer to being a real pirate," Uma told her as she reached out for the girl on Harry's shoulders. He bent down and she took Mallory from him, wading through the water as she reemerged.

"Now we get to play a little something called keep the prisoner," Uma smiled sweetly, glaring at Harry with an expression that betrayed her true feelings. He winced as he realized exactly what keep the prisoner involved.

…

"Make sure they're extra tight, 'kay, Starfish?" Uma instructed Mallory as she watched the imp pull at the ropes. Harry clenched his teeth as they grew increasingly tighter around his wrists and body.

"And make sure to take all the valuables like every good pirate does." Uma grinned as Mallory immediately took Harry's prized hook. Uma went around to the back of Harry as Mallory went to the front of him, and she ran her hand down in his pocket, pinching his behind in the process.

He bit back the yelp and Uma leaned in nearby his ear.

"I got your booty," Uma whispered quietly, and after a pregnant pause withdrew a pocketknife from his pocket, dangling it in front of his face.

He chuckled slightly, despite his compromising position and the fact that it was at his expense. Uma grinned just behind him, barely nibbling at the edge of his ear as she withdrew before Mallory could see them.

Uma went back around to the front of him and stuffed the knife in her jeans pocket. She then crouched down beside Mallory, looking at the little girl.

"What do we do now, Auntie Uma?" Mallory questioned innocently, watching her Uncle Harry that was tied firmly to the tree. Uma shrugged.

"Well, this is the part where you have to guard the prisoner, but I don't think we have to worry about that. He's not getting out of those ropes."

"Why don't we engage in tickle torture?" Uma asked her with a conspiratorial sort of expression and Mallory got an evil grin on her face as she listened to the idea.

"Lucky fer me, I'm not ticklish," Harry informed them both cheekily as they approached. Uma stopped just in front of him and shot him a cheeky grin of her own.

"Lucky for me, I know where you are," Uma said, and pulled off one of his boots and socks before tickling the bottoms of his feet.

Harry immediately launched into desperate laughter, Uma and Mallory attacking his weak points. Uma cackled and Mallory giggled like crazy as Harry suffered immensely.

"Please stop!" he begged in between laughs and Uma hesitantly stopped.

"Well, this prisoner begged for mercy, so I guess we'll give it to him," Uma begrudgingly delivered her verdict and Harry took big gulps of air as he tried to breathe. His chest was heaving as Uma and Mallory stood back up from torturing him.

"Now, let me see the hook, Captain," Uma requested, holding out her hand for the hook. Mallory offered it to her with one final wave.

Uma examined it closely, critically scrutinizing the point on the end. She looked between Harry and Mallory before grinning widely.

"Y'know, I guess we should try our best pirate voices. Like the one Harry has," Uma told her. Mallory clapped her hands in excitement and Uma put on a wide-eyed face with an almost insane grin.

"I'm gonna hook ye!" Uma poorly imitated, and she broke down into laughter. Harry rolled his eyes from his vantage point tied to the tree.

"If ye let me down, I can show ye how to do it properly," he tried, hoping Mallory would take pity on him.

Mallory stared at him for a long moment before nodding her head.

"Let's untie him," Mallory spoke, and Uma groaned, all of the fun of Harry being tied up completely ruined.

"Aw, fine…" Uma took the pocketknife in her grasp and sawed carefully at the threads of the rope.

Before long, Harry was released from the binds and he pushed off of the tree, immediately turning to Uma to get his hook back. He flexed his fingers as he gave her an expectant look. Uma rolled her eyes but returned his prized possession after a pause.

"Thank ye, Cap'n," he told her, and snagged his pirate hat from the grass nearby before turning to the both of them with a dramatically exaggerated stance.

"Ahoy, there, me hardies! Permission to board the ship?!" he called out and Uma almost laughed at his overkill.

"Permission granted, you scurvy dog," Uma agreed and he stepped a little closer.

They both looked at Mallory expectantly and she thought a moment before placing her input.

"Argh!"

The two of them laughed, before Uma suddenly quieted, going into thought.

"I've got one more idea for y'all that will fully complete your pirate training," Uma told Mallory, and the girl grinned at her.

It was an evil, nasty idea. But it was a good replication of what a real pirate would do…

…

"I am so glad we're back," Mal told Evie, relief evident in her voice. Evie wrapped an arm around the shorter girl.

"Me, too. But I think that you spent the whole trip worrying about what Mallory, Uma, and Harry were up to instead of destressing yourself like I wanted you to," Evie told her with an eyebrow raised.

Mal sighed in resignation, accepting the fact that she hadn't been much fun.

"I'm sorry. I know you were really looking forward to this shopping trip and I know I've been a real pain in the butt to drag around," Mal apologized. Evie smiled sweetly at her and shrugged.

"It's fine. I know you're just concerned about leaving Mallory by herself since she's your one and only baby that just happens to have a huge magical capability," Evie explained and Mal eyed her with a bit of humor in her gaze.

"I do know you, Mal. You're not a total and complete stranger," Evie joked.

"Really? I think I just met you yesterday. What was your name again?" Mal questioned, bending over and taking an old lady sort of stance as she looked at Evie.

"Get your butt back up! My gosh, that brings back some horrifying memories," Evie pulled Mal so that her back was straightened, a concerned and mildly terrified look on the bluenette's face.

Mal grinned at her, but quickly sobered as they approached the door leading to hopefully a still well-organized house.

"I'm a little bit worried about what we're going to find," Mal admitted. Evie looked at her in that sweet, affectionate manner that she was so famous for.

"M, they couldn't have gotten into too much trouble between now and the time we left earlier," Evie assured her just as she opened the door.

"FIRE!" three voices yelled in unison and Evie was quickly sent to the ground with the force of the impact, her body absolutely covered in pillows. Mal had enough forethought to jump out of the way as soon as she heard the exclamation, but poor Evie had suffered a rougher fate.

Evie lay there on the ground, trying desperately to regain the breath that was forcefully knocked out of her as she looked around with wide eyes.

Mal looked down at the bluenette's fallen form, resisting the urge to laugh at her big sister that was gaping up at her so helplessly.

"Not much trouble, huh?"

"Maybe I spoke too soon," Evie wheezed painfully. Mal finally chuckled and offered Evie her hand to pull her to her feet.

"FIRE!" Mal moved faster, yanking Evie up and next to her as they took cover just outside the door. A plethora of pillows came flying through the doorway, and it suddenly occurred to Mal that those were her pillows flying out of her house at an absurdly large amount of speed.

Mal's eyes narrowed in her love of a challenge. They were going down.

Mal grabbed Evie's hand firmly in her own and rushed through the door. However, what she didn't expect to see was the enormous pillow fort perched in the middle of the room. Mallory's eyes were glowing that dangerous shade of green and all three of them had enormous maniacal grins on their faces as they sat on the pillow-lined mattress that they had dragged from somewhere.

"FIRE AGAIN, LASS!" Harry called out and Mallory raised another ton of pillows with her magic, preparing to send them flying.

Mal leapt to the side, successfully dodging their attempts to take them down. She and Evie bent down behind the island in the kitchen so they could safely hide from the others' attempts to take them down.

Mal considered her strategy quietly, considering what she could do to distract them all so she could get inside the pillow fort and take them down. She suddenly got an excellent idea as she glanced over at the bluenette.

"E, I need you," Mal addressed the other girl, turning to face her and taking her hands in her own. Evie's brow furrowed as she eyed the green-eyed girl.

"What exactly do you have in mind?" Mal leaned over and whispered in her ear what she wanted her to do, and Evie stared at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Mal, that's suicide!"

"Some sacrifices have to be made in the name of war," Mal assured her before gesturing for the bluenette to step out of cover.

Evie sighed, really not wanting to do this, but complied anyway, crawling out carefully before standing up right in the line of fire.

Harry and Uma grinned widely at each other, knowing that this was their chance to hit an easy piece of prey and started to say something to Mallory.

"I really hope this'll work," Evie spoke to herself quietly before tapping a button on her phone and starting into a dance as the music began to play.

_All the single ladies (All the single ladies)__  
__All the single ladies (All the single ladies)__  
__All the single ladies (All the single ladies)__  
__All the single ladies__  
__Now put your hands up!_

Harry, Uma, and Mallory were immediately distracted, all three of them staring at Evie as if she had lost her mind before Mallory started to dance as well. Mal grinned, knowing that her baby couldn't resist a good dance with her Auntie Evie.

"Starfish, what're you doing?!" Uma exclaimed, gaping at the girl.

"Getting my groove thang on like Auntie Evie says do!"

Mal scooted ever so slowly away from the island and toward the edge of the borders of their pillow fort. She belly-crawled a little closer, really hoping that none of them happened to look in her direction.

"Well, this _is_ a good song," Uma trailed off, starting to get a little bit into the beat herself.

Mal finally reached the pillows on the border of the mattress lying in the middle of the floor and grinned evilly at the sight of the treasure behind the three of them. It was just Mallory's favorite dragon plush and a ball that belonged in the pool out back.

Mallory edged forward, lifting her knees barely as she crept over the barrier and approached their treasure. However, her foot happened to catch on the pillows and she lost her balance, landing with a bit of a thud. Harry spun around immediately and smirked at the purple-haired girl on the ground just behind him.

"Oh, Wee Dragon? Someone's stealin' yer treasure!" Harry announced and Mallory turned to look at the perpetrator. Mallory's confused expression quickly turned to one of wicked delight.

Mal looked past Mallory, her eyes going wide as she saw Evie with a determined expression on her face. Evie put her phone on the counter and took off running toward the three of them.

"I'll rescue you, M!" Evie called, quickly approaching the bed. She leapt forward, trying to grab Mallory in a cradling hold as she dove, but Harry snagged the girl before Evie could grab the little one. Evie's eyes widened as she was headed straight for Mal.

The bluenette collided with the shorter purple-haired girl hard and Harry and Mallory winced as they watched her. Mal was squished underneath Evie's body and she wriggled so that she could get her arms out from under the bluenette's weight.

"Auntie Evie, you caught Mommy! Now you can tie her to a tree and play keep the prisoner!" Mallory exclaimed, very much pleased with herself. Mal's gaze immediately snapped to Uma's.

"What have you been teaching her?!" Mal questioned. Evie rolled over so she was nearly lying on Mal's head as she spoke.

"Obviously how to be a pirate," Evie giggled almost drunkenly and it was apparent that she was obviously very dizzy and dazed.

Mal rolled her eyes and lightly smacked at the back of Evie's leg, trying to get her to roll off of her head. Evie practically steamrolled her as she rolled down Mal's back and onto her legs. Mal groaned in relief once Evie's weight had moved off of her upper body.

"Mommy, do you admit defeat?!" Mallory exclaimed, squinting one eye shut with a pirate look as she borrowed her Uncle Harry's hook to point at her mother.

Mal rolled her eyes, playfully glaring at Uma and Harry before nodding her head with a fond smile.

"Mommy admits defeat," Mal told her before snagging the little pirate and kissing her cheek sweetly. Mallory giggled wildly and Mal laughed with her softly.

"Love you, my little pirate."

**A/N: First Auntie Evie, then Grandpapa Hades, and now Auntie Uma and Uncle Harry. I hope you all enjoyed it! :) It was pretty fun to write, and also, a big thank you to WeloveReign for suggesting the idea! I have a few other ideas up my sleeve for Mallory, so stick around for the next installment. ;)**


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